Is This Cafe Owner Right To Step In?

19 July 2016
Is This Cafe Owner Right To Step In?

A seafront café owner has warned parents she will step in to address bad behaviour and tantrums if customer do not discipline their kids themselves.

Kim Christofi posted a warning on her Facebook page which read:

"Can we make ourselves perfectly clear to all parents who are too scared to discipline their children about tantrum screaming? We will give you five lenient minutes to ask the child to stop screaming and then we will ask the child ourselves. If that means you too having a tantrum about our having to speak to your child and hurling threats about not returning – that's really okay with us. We have a duty of care to the rest of our customers."

Unsurprisingly, the warning provoked the ire of many parents - and thousands shared the post or added forthright comments online.

The Daily Mail reports:

"The Facebook page – which normally features photos of mouth-watering cakes, sausage rolls and other home-made food, or shots of smiling customers braving the elements – had been taken down yesterday to end the onslaught."

Unsurprisingly, opinion is divided over whether Christofi was right to take such assertive action to address tantrums on her turf or if she was being insensitive or even discriminatory.

One commenter wrote: "Thank you for your kind and understanding post. I'll make sure my family (including our autistic daughter) never darken your doorway."

But another added on the Mail's comments section:

"Am in complete agreement with the Cafe Owner. The comment was not aimed at autistic or disabled children, it is aimed at those who think they can do what the hell they want! If your child cannot behave appropriately in a public place then don't go out. I have 2 boys and they are boisterous (not naughty or rude), they play together etc, but they are never ever rude, disobedient or naughty whilst in a public place because they know I will frog march them home with consequences to follow!!"

The paper also reports that social media users deliberately left one-star reviews on the cafe's Facebook page in a bid to voice their disdain for Christofi's approach - yet many of those who did so had never visited the cafe.

Christofi reportedly told the paper:

'The situations I am describing are not children having a bad day. We are talking about children smashing up the toy box, throwing things around and, in this situation, we expect parents to step in. We have a duty to all our customers and we are in a public place.'

Ordinarily I am strongly of the opinion that anyone wishing to address my child's behaviour should first address the matter with me. In a different scenario - nothing to do with bad behaviour in a public place, I hasten to add - I've been on the receiving end of another parent seeing fit to talk directly to my child about her feelings on his behaviour without first raising the issue with me, and I'm firmly of the view that that crosses a line which isn't acceptable.

But I also feel huge sympathy for the cafe owner and am continually surprised by how little some parents do in order to tackle disruptive behaviour which might affect other people in public places. I stood in a queue waiting to board an airline last week while a toddler threw an almighty, ear-splitting tantrum while her parents stared into space and largely ignored her. I don't think there's any excuse for that.

Aside from the fact that the other customers around them were growing visibly distressed by the intensity of the noise in a confined space and the apparent disinterest on the part of the parents to step in, I found myself feeling awful for the little girl. I had to resist the urge to scoop her up and try to calm her down myself. But I didn't because that's not my role and to do so, no matter how well-intentioned, would have been to step on the toes of the parents and that's inappropriate.

So yes, I think Christofi was rash to write that post but I also think her anger is justified.

But what's your view? Do you think the cafe owner is right to warn parents that she'll step in to address disruptive behaviour if they don't? Has anyone ever done this with your child and if so, how did you respond?

TOPICS:   Parenting Tips


  • Fiona S.

    Dear author you felt bad that parents didn't respond to a tantrum, this is a textbook response surely if you don't get that you might need to rethink who your audience is.

    • Karen D.

      I'm so glad you said that! I've been 'taught' by teachers, childminders and super nanny etc that you leave the child to have the tantrum and they learn that a tantrum gets you nothing. I think maybe the author doesn't have children :thumbsdown_tone1::thumbsdown_tone1::thumbsdown_tone1:

    • Elin D.

      Yup - health visitor and community nursery nurse have told me to always ignore a tantrum!

  • Sharon E.

    My son has adhd nothing will stop him.! My baby doesn't have it but will cry and scream in this heat! I'd say go ahead u try and watch the shame come across there face that they failed then polity tell them to do one and get bk to there own business

  • Lisa C.

    Too far, way too far

  • Helen L.

    If this woman has figured out how to stop a tantrum then can she let the rest of us know please? :joy:

    • Sarah B.

      I wish I could like this comment over and over!!

  • Louise R.

    No way. All children are different and their parents know best how to deal with their tantrums. Its bad enough when your kid is having a tantrum, without someone poking their nose in and embarrassing you even more!

  • Marcelle K.

    Thank you Fiona Elizabeth Scally i was just about to say the same thing! How completely ridculous that parents she is slagging off behaved correctly you are suppose ignore and not response to a tantrum because giving them Negative attention is what reinforces the behaviour you are suppose to do just what they did, and wait for the child to finish, calm and then respond. I'm extremely annoyed that a basic parenting skill has been judged and put down and even suggested they were neglecting their child. My suggestion write for another page!

    • Ellie C.

      That's exactly what I was going to say - ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good. It's a common parenting practice over the last 10 years at least. The older generation can't understand how we parent our children so seem to think we are just "ignoring" our children. But by pandering to the tantrums we're only spoiling them and giving them the ideal that tantrums are the way to go if they want something. I don't know who was at the airport that commented but if it was the Playpennies person I suggest you remove the comment. It's as ignorant as the Cafe Owner - you don't know the child, you don't know how the parents control their child, you don't know if there are other mental health issues. It's quite clear NOT YOUR CHILD, NOT YOUR BUSINESS

    • Kim W.

      I ignore my childrens tantrums too and agree this is rule 101 of modern day parenting, however I do think it is very inconsiderate when in a public place like a cafe/ restaurant where people are enjoying a nice meal etc. I have been in this situation and my other half took our daughter out of the restuarant until she calmed down- I think that's the right thing to do!

  • Laura R.

    Have had the misfortune of living down the road from this evil woman this is Not the first time she's posed a threat towards children she is exceedingly deranged and has laid her hands on a child and then put a fb post up defending her actions!?!??!? She's been known by the police and in my opinion extremely dangerous!!!!

    • Anna M.

      When she post a threat before? She sounds like a loon best avoided. Only her business will suffer that way.

    • Laura R.

      Where she used to live she took issue with children(toddler age no more than 3) learning to ride bikes locally as her flat was situated on the ground and they'd rattle past and she'd come out of her flat screaming at them she even screamed at me and my daughter nearly causing my daughter to come off her bike when we had returned home from a bicycle ride cycling on the road she actually stepped out into the road telling us to off the pavement?!?!? When I told her we weren't on the pavement I got a barrage of abuse!!!! Its terrifying dealing with her when she looses it you truly fear for your safety....when I first met her she came across a little eccentric but pleasant however if you cross her you are targeted with venomous hatred!!! All I did to cross her was refuse to back her/side with her in her opinion that it was inappropriate for a different neighbour who's a single father to be allowed to have his two daughters come stay with him!!!! This man had done nothing wrong hes a decent bloke but she didn't approve!!!! so that set her off.. She claims to be a Christian but does not behave in a Christian way...

    • Clare O.

      Shes an awful women.called me rude and arrogAnt two things im not!!

    • Kim W.

      Crikey! Well, now it puts the whole thing into a different light!

    • Linda Z.

      was it the same woman who posed for a pic during someone having a heart attack and captioned it for the business. I know it was this business not sure if same woman. sick and twisted.

    • Laura R.

      I wouldn't know Linda if I'm honest but it would not surprise me if it is.

      I just can't get over how they have failed to mention in all the news articles that she put her vile post up as a way of justification for grabbing a 2 year old!!!! Even once she deleted the original post and placed a second post up stating they are "gentle" with the children is equally being ignored. She claims to be a Christian but does not behave in a Christian way at all ..

  • Marie W.

    The owner went on to explain that he didn't mean he'd intervene if the kid was having a strop, more if they're trashing the toy box and throwing things around etc... which is fair enough! Kids need to be taught from a young age that vandalism is not ok, and if it takes the owner of the premises to ask them to respect their property, then so be it! I think the choice of words in the initial statement was poor, not the sentiment.

    • Helen L.

      Yes, but she then went on to use an example of a child at an airport who wasn't doing anything destructive, just crying.

    • Marie W.

      I didn't see that part, I've only read the article, not her post.

    • Helen G.

      Her original post said no such thing

    • Marie W.

      Yeah, I noticed after re reading the article.

    • Helen L.

      Oh, my mistake, I read that as a continuation of her quote but it was the article author.

    • Laura M.

      There was also the part where she grabbed the child it would seem....

    • Sheena C.

      My child "plays" with toys and does throw and drop things, tho I would try and deter her but she has autism, learning difficulties and SPD but people may not know or realise.... This is also why I avoid certain places too :disappointed: you only know and realise if you have a disabled child xx

    • Marie W.

      Sorry if I sounded insensitive Sheena. There are always exceptions to the rule. However, I'm sure that you set boundaries which are appropriate to your child's needs and level of understanding when necessary. You shouldn't be made to feel like you need to avoid places.

    • Natalie T.

      Also a mum of a child with Autism, no we shouldn't Marie, but we do. Because of posts like this. Because of people staring because they think its just "another naughty child"

      The only person that has a right to discipline your child is you. End of.

    • Kim W.

      I think there is a real difference between a parent of a child with additional needs, who will sit with the child and monitor their behaviour then a child who is allowed to behave badly. It's a shame you feel you can't visit certain places but I hope you have found some good places to go instead!

    • Sheena C.

      Marie Wilkes no it's fine.... My other little girl who is nearly 5, I definitely would not accept behaviour like this. And at the same time I try so hard to teach the same principles with them as they are so close in age, too, but are worlds apart as in developmental stages. Plus I know my little Keira still has to learn too....just seems impossible at times. So I do avoid certain places, probly my own fault and issues as Keira's needs are so high too xx

  • Sarah W.

    And how does she plan on stepping in? With a free ice cream? :joy:

    • Ruth J.

      Hahaha. That would certainly stop mine from having a tantrum!

  • Kerry-lyn C.

    How would they know if a child has autism or any other invisible disability! I'd be furious if anyone said anything to me or my child. Do they not think that this is the type of thing we go out of our way to avoid on a daily basis. We need acceptance not judging. It wouldn't help, it certainly wouldn't be supportive. If you don't like the up's and downs of the way children behave then perhaps you are in the wrong job!!!

    • Debs W.

      Well said Kerry x

    • Debs W.

      Kerry-Lyn apologies x

    • Jacqueline R.

      Having a grandson who has screaming melt downs which are totally out of his control I so agree with this comment, I would certainly not go anywhere near this place it's hard enough finding places where we can relax as it is;

    • Charlotte C.

      Spot on

    • Angela B.

      Spot on x

  • Lynn R.

    Is she some sort of expert be considerate and helpful instead x

  • Alison H.

    But how can she define what is a tantrum that a parent isn't dealing with and what is an autistic meltdown that the child nor parent has control over? So she could be stepping in to disapline a child's disability!! I understand that people want a nice peaceful visit but it's a seaside cafe it's going to attract families with young children and disability aside if some of these children are on their holidays and may be staying up later than usual and irritable because of warm weather then tantrums are to be expected!!

  • Emma P.

    I'm sure I read somewhere a few days ago that she actually grabbed a child?!

    • Samantha L.

      Held the wrist

    • Emma M.

      Still assaulting a child. You wouldn't grab an adults wrist, if anyone grabbed my daughters wrist not only would I call the police for assaulting my child I would also press charges. Nobody ever lays a hand on my child without permission.

  • Fiona M.

    It's nobody's business bar the parents to deal with and discipline behaviour, regardless of whether or not you agree with the parents' methods.

    • Megan D.

      Thankyou :clap_tone1::clap_tone1::clap_tone1:

  • Emma R.

    I think its terrible!!! How can you tell the difference between an autistic child and a child thats throwing a tantrum just because.... you cant! They will both look exactly the same!! People should just keep there noses to themselves... parents are always judged now and it shouldnt be that way. My daughter is being diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder which is all under the autism umbrella. But you cant tell just by looking at her. To everyone else she would just look like a tantruming child. I dont think the woman has any rights to interfere!

  • Eleanor F.

    The reason I sometimes ignore my child having a tantrum is so she doesn't get the reaction she wants. As much as I appreciate someone telling my daughter to behave for me the reason I ignore her isn't because I can't be bothered. In fact it's harder to leave them to cry it out sometimes. I do it to show her crying and screaming doesn't get you what you want. The woman has no right to intervene.

  • Ang M.

    Well she's certainly advertised her business!!

  • Kaylie C.

    So I'm aloud to step in if her ice cream is rubbish?? :joy::joy:

  • Megan D.

    Hell no, all children get a little worked up. It's hard for them to completely understand their emotions. Once they're in that state, it's often hard to bring them back down to earth without offering a reward. We have to pick our battles, giving in to a tantrum isn't doing us or them any favours in the long run. All a tantrum requires is patience and understanding from people around us. We were all kids who didn't get our own way once!

  • Allison C.

    Sometimes reacting to tantrums makes them worse it's best most times ignored if it safe and they just stomping not throwing stuff around or physically hurting anyone or themselves.

  • Amanda M.

    I don't have the link, but there were comments on another post from witnesses to her "stepping in" and taking a child by the wrists to tell them off. If I were that parent I'd have the police involved. If my kid was about to fall in the river/walk into the road/get knocked over by a swing then by all means intervene, grab her up and move her. But nothing else gives you the right to lay your hands on other people's children, nothing. She runs a kiosk selling ice cream and cake at a park. There will be children everywhere, some of them will be perfectly well behaved little Stepford children, some of them will argue and fight, some will throw tantrums and some will have sensory meltdowns. If you cannot bear to see it, you're in the wrong place.

    • Donna W.

      :point_up: mine is the tantrum thrower cause we couldn't use the lift in asda :see_no_evil::see_no_evil::see_no_evil: xx

    • Amanda M.

      I've had tantrums from my now 5 year old over the craziest of things :joy: it happens!

    • Laurie L.

      My 3yr old boy had a major tantrum a couple of weeks ago at an event in the town all cause he didn't want to see the police man, he was led away and then changed his mind, the kind people in the que were lovely enough to let him go again but the tantrum insued I'm afraid. He didn't calm down till he fell asleep in the car. All kids have tantrums that's part of being a kid. I would love to meet the parent of a child that hasn't at some point had a fit about something at some time.

  • Geri C.

    It's up to parents and family to discipline their child not a stranger and if they put their hand on one of mine I might need to return the favour ! X

  • Maria M.

    If my child is having a tantrum, myself or my husband would step in. If ANYONE else thought it was acceptable to go above either of us to scold our children in front of us I'd like to think i could tell them to kindly fuck off and mind their own business. Every child has different needs and only the parents know how to deal with that specific child and what they need.

  • Allison C.

    Also I have 14 year old with Adhd he a had a tantrum the other week for not having ice cream! Yes people stared as I was called all the names under the sun! After few minutes managed to calm him down whilst walking away. Trying explain my son has Adhd and been diagnosed as 6 year old! So he doesn't think and act like a 14 year but looks like one.

  • Caroline H.

    Well if she can conquer a child with spd she must have magic powers stupid!

  • Melanie A.

    No she should butt out if your child is disturbing her customers then she has the right to ask you to leave but not to tell you how to raise your children. If my child is being naughty I would leave anyway but that's just because I'm considerate to others.

  • Rosemary H.

    My daughter is under diagnosis for Autism and both my boys have it as well. Boy can she scream when having a meltdown and as her 'disability' is invisible it may look like a tantrum but believe me it isn't and sometime the only way to deal with her is to let her burn herself out as if you intervene it makes her worse. I wouldn't leave her screaming in a cafe I would take her outside but in certain parts of an airport that is not possible. Please tell me where this cafe so I make sure we never go there!!

    • Kim W.

      But you would take her away from the situation if possible, as would most decent parents! I think she was aiming this at parents who don't bother. Although, after reading a bit more about the lady... Not sure I would be going to her place anytime soon!

  • Lynsey S.

    I would say leaving it to parents to deal with themselves is always the way to go. My kids have had some horrible tantrums in public don't really have any awareness of the effect they are having on the listening public and I'm sure they really don't care! I don't think many parents just 'allow' children to misbehave and go unchecked in public (im sure the odd incidents do occurs at this cafe) most do all they can to ensure that their children don't cause problems for others around them. Let's face it, you see a child having a tantrum and you have no idea what the background to this there something genuinely wrong, did they sleep last night, have mam and dad had any sleep, are they trying to be consistent with the way they deal with toddler behaviour etc. Keep out...fair enough offer owner could provide colouring books, pencils etc, but I would never presume to tell another parent how to look after their child.

  • Sarah J.

    Nobody would shout at my child trust

  • Alice M.

    To far because kids will be kids and some kids tantrums is a way of expressing themselfs as they can't do it any other way. It's got nothing to do with her and if she can't deal with it then she shouldn't have opened a caffee

  • Helen R.

    Don't necessarily agree with her but unfortunately it's her establishment, her rules. If people don't like it they can go elsewhere and after this article, they probably will!

  • μαρινα �.

    No of their business.if a child appear normal but has autism or adhd or any other behaviour issues how would they know?they better judge themselves when having a bad day...never mind the kids.

  • Nicki M.

    Oh my god yes!! Stop wrapping your kids up. When my kids throwing a hissy, he behaves himself if someone else tells him off!

  • Danielle L.

    Which cafe is this and where is it???

    • Kylie B.

      South kiosk at Martello park in Felixstowe

  • Stacey C.

    Fuck right of. U say something to the person who is in care of kid. That is the right thing to do u have no right to talk to the kids. Would be so pissed of if some one came up to one of my kids. X Sorry but would end up being one hell of a fight x

  • Amarie C.

    She did not mean children with disabilities she meant children who break and throw things. Fair enough she gave 5 mins which I think is long enough if a child is breaking things and screaming. But don't think she should then talk to the child she should talk to the parent and ask is there anything I can do to help. Although I do understand what she meant as some kids are brats I've seen some running about restaurants spitting in people's food when they weren't looking and their parents not doing anything about it because it was easier for them to carry on than to stop them. But I think she put her view point across wrong.

    • Natalie T.

      And how do you tell a child with autism away from.a child being naughty? Oh yes you cant. Doesnt matter wether its a disabled child or not its none of her business to intervene

    • Amarie C.

      Hence why I said she should talk to the parent and ask if there is anything she can do to help.

    • Natalie T.

      "She did not mean a child with disabilities" again how do you tell apart? How does she knoe the child she was originally talking about didnt have a disability?

      No. If my child is having a melt down disability or not people need to back the hell off. If there was anything people could do to help i think the parents would have already asked not just left their child screaming. The woman is a fruit loop. Thats been proving by the comments on here.

  • Amanda P.

    No she should mind her own bloody business!!

  • Mike J.

    She is right. If parents are failing to control their child then someone should. Take your child outside but dont just let them have a tantrum and smash the place up. Poor parenting imo.

  • Olivia S.

    Is she right? Is she bollocks!

  • Laura K.

    I think it was ill judged of her to write a post which was probably done on the back of some incident in her cafe. There's no need to 'warn' all parents. She could just as easily keep her views private and if the scenario she described (things being broken etc) did occur then by all means speak to the parent at that point. At no point for any reason do I find it appropriate for any unknown adult to address a child not only in a time of distress, but regarding any aspect of their behaviour. That should ALWAYS be taken up with the child's parent. By all means give them support/a piece of your mind or a wide berth. I think this cafe owner has been naive to the impact social media can have.

  • Erin M.

    As this is our local seaside kiosk, she is definitely in the wrong. It is located beside the seaside and Childrens park in Felixstowe. I'm sorry, I know this woman and her customer service skills are highly lacking. They find it hard to cope with any customer on a slow day let alone busy day. It is one thing telling a kid off but completely bang out of order touching the child. Especially when the child was only 2yrs old! Her saying that the child was disturbing her customers is rich, considering you have the park right beside where children are loud. I can honestly say, she lost our business.

  • Rachel H.

    If someone else came over & reprimanded my child without my permission they'd get bloody drop kicked lol xx

  • Julia P.

    If the issue of disruptive children throwing a tantrum and causing damage by throwing items that don't belong to them and the parents do nothing, then yes, by all means speak to the child in an appropriate manner to tell them that it is not accept I be behaviour and advise them to play nicely or go sit with their parents. Then speak to the parents just to kindly advise that you have spoken to their child and if they continue to try to damage your property they will be asked to leave, regrettably. If the problem is that she doesn't like a child sat at a table causing no harm but playing up loudly and who is being ignored.....then leave it out....u can't constantly molly coddle them and give into every demand....then sometimes being ignored for a while is okay and when the child has got it out of their system the parents can talk to them properly. Kids play up. Others should be able to chip in of course it's society so long as they do it in such a way as not to be offensive. If the kids sat with he parents being tantrum my maybe just ask the parent if they'd like any help or if there's anything you could do to assist rather than going on anything rant....doesn't make anything spot of difference then if said child has a disability or not it's supportive assistance and sometimes kids respond better to an unknown adult.

  • Anna M.

    She sounds like a complete loon. If I lived there I'd just take my business elsewhere.

  • Becky N.

    No she needs to keep her nose out nothing annoys me more than people thinking they can get involved if a child is having a tantrum! My little boy is 2 and if anyone dare stick their nose in when I am dealing with it I'd tell them to jog on!!

  • Leza K.

    I'm sorry but if she said 1 word to my baby it would be me mummy dearest throwing the biggest tantrum the woman would ever see.

  • Angela Y.

    Well I'm glad she doesn't own or local costa. My son screamed for 45 minutes outside when he was younger. He completely lost it in the middle of the street and I couldn't do anything, he was too heavy for me to pick up and carry of and fighting to much for me to drag. So many people stopped and asked if there was anything to do to help our reassured me that they remember their son being like that and now he's married with children of his own. It made such a difference so much better than the time someone came up and told me I need super nanny and I thought he was being quite good.

  • Lorinda C.

    But we sit with generations of obedient parents you see. No is a word some kids just never hear out of fear for the tantrum.

  • KylieB

    From what I have heard from the child's parents she grabbed the child by the wrists and told them off.

    That is just not on, you don't touch other people's children!

    This kiosk is situated right next to both the beach and a children's play park, it is a open public space. People should expect the noise of children. 

    Children have tantrums, they're still learning to control their emotions and a stranger grabbing them by the arm and telling them to stop isn't going to help in fact it will probably just make it worse.

    I have visited this kiosk with my children several times in the past but I will not be returning again.

  • Penny B.

    Urm, its my job to deal with their behaviour, not some cafe busy body! To be honest, I tend to take them outside if they start, as a change of surroundings can help them listen. But what if the kid has special needs? What if the child has experienced a family death and is coping in the only way they know? What if illness has caused a paddy? (my youngest would randomly have melt downs due to eczema pains) the woman doesn't know these kids, and I've yet to see a parent who just sips their coffee while their kid it screaming bloody murder on the floor next to them. Will she kick kids out for giggling too loudly?!? Jeez. My kids are 7 and 9, no paddies niw, but I wont be going to this cafe based on the fact the owner thinks she can do this. Utterly wrong.

  • Christine L.

    Show me a toddler who's never had a tantrum and I'll show you a liar! What a lot of nonsense. People commenting about kids with hidden disabilities I completely sympathise with but as a mother of two perfectly healthy children who have both had their moments I am disgusted by this. Why would anyone think it's acceptable to reprimand someone else's child. You speak to the parent, end of!

  • Clair L.

    I would go mad if someone told me how to control my kid she needs to lean the difference between naughty and Autism We have to deal with life to life problems there is a different problem each day

  • Imran R.


  • Kim W.

    Am I the only one who thinks she might have a point?! Five minutes is a long time to listen to someone else's child having a tantrum in a confined space, when you have payed to enjoy a nice treat! Plus it could be helpful- just having another person confront a tantruming tot could be enough to stop them in their tracks! They would soon go running to their grown up, I don't think it's a bad lesson to teach a little one that other people suffer when the have a tantrum. I guess it depends on her approach though!

  • Emma W.

    Totally agree ref all the comments regarding a tantrum being autism... But also... Tantrums are a quite normal part of child development... Maybe if society didn't put silly expectations on parents to keep children seen and not heard and "perfectly behaved" then our kids would grow up better able to control themselves and maybe more respect for others. As long as they are not doing anything dangerous or destructive then let them have a tantrum... Don't just placate kids or distract them or anything else to avoid letting them actually learn how to deal with their emotions... Sure... If they are causing a massive disturbance in a restaurant or something then quietly (or kicking and screaming) take them outside to give you and them space to work it out. Dealing with a tantrum should not mean just making them quiet as quickly as possible...

  • Kim W.

    It is absolutely everybody else's Buisness if they have to listen to it, I completely disagree with this mentality of people keeping out of how other parents raise their children- it takes a village and all that! I would leave a place if my children behaved like that.

    • Linda Z.

      then why not tackle the parents instead of the child.

    • Kim W.

      Why?! I suppose it depends on the behaviour but if it was a tantrum the parents probably wouldn't be able to stop that, I would have taken far more offence if someone would have spoken to me. I don't see the harm in a stranger asking a gentle question to an upset child, and the shock of someone else noticing the behaviour at that age is enough to shock the child to snap out of it! If it was regular bad behaviour the parents should have already stopped that!

  • Tara L.

    None of her god damn business how a parent deals with their child. For all she know the child could have Autism and the parent would know how to deal with their child, if that means ignoring it then that's what they'll do. Who does she think she is?!

  • Chris P.

    You'd better make sure you behave yourself this weekend then lol

  • Jojo G.

    She would get told politely to mind her own fuckin business

  • Nadine W.

    If they are naughty and breaking things on their property I understand his frustration and to be honest it winds me up when people ignore aggressive disruptive behaviour. Thats said my little girl is going through terrible 2s at the moment and is prone to a tantrum. I do not negotiate with 2yrs old in my household so you may well see her screaming her little head of while I 'ignore' her behaviour, Yes I have had some looks and judgement over the years but my children will lean that bad behaviour gets you nowhere and good behaviour is rewarded.

  • Janine B.

    Carry onm i need all The help i can get when my child has a tantrum lol

  • Amie C.

    Stupid woman ! X

  • Donna L.

    For many children the best way if stopping a tantrum is to ignore them and not give into their demands. It's nobody else's business :zipper_mouth:

  • Chris D.

    I completely agree with the owners statement

  • Sarah K.

    I'd step in telling her where to go if she did (not for the first time either) !! My son is on the way pathway for an autistic spectrum diagnosis so I'd be fuming xx

  • Janice B.

    I'm mixed in this ... kids throw tantrums ... sometimes reacting to them encourages them to do it more! My girls have both thrown the odd one and I ignored them ... they hardly ever did it again! Yet I know people who try to stop it and the child gets worse and does it more often!

    Throwing toys and breaking things... I completely agree, this is unacceptable behaviour and if the grown up doesn't stop the child doing this behaviour then someone should, and I have done so on a number of occasions myself... but if a children is throwing a tantrum because they can't get their own way how will they learn if someone goes over and reacts to their behaviour ... they will do it again & even better if the parents is embarrassed by it!

  • Cheryl W.

    Sometime you have to ignore your wee one when they tantrum or it gets worse. No one has the right to tell me how they'd deal with my child. And would be to where to go!

  • Siobhan P.

    I would be furious if anyone attempted to step in with my child sometimes ignoring the tantrum is the best thing to do she really wouldn't like me if she tried to intervene with my children!

  • Suzanne W.

    The thing is sometimes my daughter has a tantrum and the best way to deal with her is to ignore her until she calms down. The more you try to talk to her and calm her verbally she goes more wild!! I find ignore her for a little, then explain to her when she stops and calms down I will be able to get to the bottom of what the issue is. I am not being a bad parent by ignoring her it is the only thing that will work, with her. I feel like there are far too many people that are willing to judge. Most people know how best to react to their child having a tantrum. If you don't like what the cafe owner has put you just don't go to that cafe!! Its up to them how they react, but if your child is likely to have a tantrum there you have been warned in advance. Sometimes I feel that my kids will listen to strangers better anyway!!!

  • Stephanie O.

    The best way for kids to stop stropping is to let them get it out and then explain why they didnt get what they wanted especailly at 2 3 4 years old

  • Stephanie O.

    Kids shouldnt be able to mistreat there or any one elses prosessions

  • Laura E.

    I've seen what happens when a parent panders to a child everytime they have a tantrum, the child will purposefully throw one to get what they want all the damn time. I've ignored my child when he's had a tantrum in a busy place and started to walk away, it bloody well stopped his tantrum immediately and after a couple times, he realised that a tantrum was completely useless. This woman sounds like she needs locking up!! Or at least medicating! I do not agree with that statement from her at all

  • Danielle A.

    Last year my daughter had a tantrum in costa while I was meeting a friend, tried lots of things but was best to ignore her to calm down, now I know people are there to enjoy a coffee in peace but whatever I tried didn't work, I also had a baby in a pram so couldn't just carry her outside (she was 4 and heavy) a guy came over and started screaming in my face 'can't you control you f**king kid' and awful things like scum like me shouldn't have if some parent wants to help me out great, but I would go mental if someone shouted at my child, and if 1 was touched/grabbed I would not be responsible for my actions....

  • Tamsin T.

    My sons autistic & both my 4 year old & my 5 year old look older than they are. It's stressful enough watching my son have a hard time because of his sensory issues nevermind worrying about what other people think

  • Nicole R.

    There is a fine line with children, by all means ask the parent if there is anything to do to help and maybe if a child is trashing something or doing something their really not meant to and the parent isnt doing anything about it BUT toddlers and children having a tantrum is different...we forget that these little people didnt come into the world knowing all the essentials and how to behave, their learning all the time and need time and patience. If anyone did anything along those lines to myself or my son, it would not be taken kindly

  • Angela B.

    Is this by you ? I would go bat s*** crazy on anyone that told my children off especially as one of them has learning difficulties!

  • Amanda P.

    Totally wrong anything could be wrong with the child asd/adha/spd etc and you can not look at a child and see they have any of these its got nothing to do with the cafe owner what the child is doing id be furious !!!

  • Stephanie C.

    To be fair the cafe owner is not saying they would step in straight away and that you would be given 5 mins to calm your child's behaviour. I, myself, am parent to a 2 year old and to be perfectly honest whilst she can be wonderfully behaved she is 2 and is prone to the odd temper tantrum. If after 5 mins she could not be made to behave in a proper way I would leave voluntarily because other people do not pay good money to have to sit and witness this. And let's not forget this person is running a business, this is not a hobby this is their livelihood, how they keep a roof over their head and put food on their table. They cannot afford to constantly lose custom because some parents allow their children to do whatever they please. Sadly there is no discipline anymore and many children are not taught acceptable behaviour. However I do feel for parents who have children who are autistic etc as the poor child does not react to every day situations as other children would do.

    • Amanda P.

      But what if they child was autistic etc why should the parent be made to feel they have to leave with their child just cause he was having a meltdown and if other people cant accept that there could be something the matter with the child they need to go home and think about what they allow their minds to think because tbh if my son who is in the process of a diganosis for asd/adhd and spd had a meltdown i wouldnt leave anywhere ppl shouldnt sit and judge etc a man once walked past me when my son was having a meltdown said he just needs a good smack so i purposly stayed in the shop and near him for what he said as i had my say with him and he still wouldnt listen

    • Stephanie C.

      I actually said "I would leave voluntarily" meaning me myself with MY child. I would never judge any parent with a child with any of these conditions, having not dealt with it I have no experience of it to speak of. As a parent I can see BOTH sides

    • Amanda P.

      Yeah im not saying you never said that what im saying is why would the woman step in and see too the child herself when you cant see if a child has austism etc

  • Helga M.

    She has every right to do so

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