Oh, how we giggled over this today. Nope. it's nothing to do with pigs.
The paper reports:
A parenting blogger has tickled exhausted mums and dads with a spoof advert seeking parents for hire.
The comedy ad, entitled 'Job Advertisement: Parent', features a lengthy job description detailing the reality of bringing up young children.
Exeter-based writer, Sarah Turner, a 28-year-old mum of two young boys who goes by the moniker of The Unmumsy Mum, doesn't try and gloss over the position's more difficult tasks.
It starts simply enough with the opening gambit: 'We are seeking a parent to join our team of UK Parents.'
But the devil is in the detail. The job, it reads, requires 168 hours of the applicant's time each week and the small print states there is no option to resign from the position once it's been accepted.
My fave part of the job ad? Easy peasy. It's this:
The ideal candidate will have a degree in Patience, an NVQ Level 3 in CBeebies and the dexterity of an octopus on speed. You should possess a strong desire to be accompanied everywhere (including the toilet) and a high level of irritation tolerance for programmes like Peppa Pig and Twatsy and Tim. You should not possess a strong the desire to:
- Get sh*t-faced
- Laze around in your PJs
- Sit down with a cup of tea
- Browse Accessorize
(Unfortunately these activities are not compatible with the role).
You'll have to click the link to read the details of the remuneration package - let's just say that part made me laugh out loud but it's not fit for print here. And I particularly love the writer's point that absolutely no training will be offered and no annual leave is allowed, although "it might be possible to organise cover through our relief agency Grandparent Staffing".
So what would you add to the list of credentials needed for the largely thankless job of parent? I think I'd add that an unwavering commitment to reading bedtime stories is essential, as is a proven track record in never skipping pages nor tiring of reading the same darned book for the eleventy hundredth consecutive night. Come and share yours over on our Facebook page.