Things You Don't Want To Hear Midwives Say

Things You Don't Want To Hear Midwives Say
30 March 2016

As life's memorable moments go, giving birth is surely the most unforgettable of experiences. Of course, sometimes we remember the moment for the 'wrong' reasons, as evidenced by a recent internet thread about the words you never want to hear from a midwife during labour.

The Daily Mail reports:

Mothers have been sharing the eye-watering things they've heard doctors and midwives say before and during childbirth. Comments about the size of a baby's head seemed to top the list of horror comments on the thread on parenting sites, while the painful stitches afterwards also had many wincing. Answering the discussion about the 'words you never want to hear from the midwife', one mother even divulged that her doctor had told her 'it was about to get a little bit farmyard' as he pulled out the forceps to deliver her son.

I am physically cringing as I read these, so I dread to think what the mums in question were thinking at the time these clangers were dropped.

I've also got a cracker of my own when it comes to awkward things midwives say whilst delivering babies. Let's just say that my third child arrived very much in a hurry - at 8.30am we were in the hospital car park and my baby was in my arms by 9am.

But as it became apparent that things were progressing a little quicker than the gobsmacked midwives on the labour ward reception desk were prepared for, one scrambled to my aid and shrieked "If you have that baby before I get these gloves on, I'm going to shoot you!"

In my Etonox-induced haze I vaguely remember muttering something about having recently heard that Northern Ireland is the best place in the world to get shot due to it having some of the world's best surgeons on hand for dealing with gun-shot wounds.

Yeah. That's not the conversation that I ever envisaged would usher in the arrival of my baby girl. And, for the record, she never did get those gloves on but I survived unscathed.

What about you? We'd love to hear your stories of crazy / funny / inappropriate things that midwives say whilst delivering babies. Leave us a comment below or come and share your stories over on our Facebook page!

TOPICS:   Parenting Tips


  • Jemmalucy87

    During birth, whilst my rather large little boy was crowning, the lovely midwife suggested I 'had a feel'. Being my first child and willing to do whatever anyone said at that stage, I groped around between my legs to find a wet hairy head scarily far out, but still surrounded by me. I will never forget the sheer terror that induced (what the hell are my ladybits going to look like after this? Being the main concern!) 

    • admin EDITOR

      awww Jemmalucy87, that is scary! Some things are better left unknown eh! xx

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