Cafe Asks Mums To Settle Crying Baby Outside

Cafe Asks Mums To Settle Crying Baby Outside

You can't have missed the story getting loads of online attention this week about the mum who was asked to leave a cafe because her baby was crying.

The Evening Standard reports:

Critics have hit out at a south London café owner who defended asking a mother to settle her crying baby outside. The woman was in Brick House Bakery - dubbed "nappy valley" – when she was asked to temporarily leave in order to settle her three-month-old child, friends said.

A friend of the mum took to social media afterwards to make her feelings on the matter known. She wrote on Instagram:

“It was three minutes of crying which the mother was trying to settle and she was stressed about it as it was. Unfortunately it's a fact of life that a three-month-old baby cries, if this had been a first time mother she would have left in tears. We were not even offered paper bags for the food that had just been purchased. Totally on board with a crying baby being annoying but a friendly, ‘would you mind popping outside to see if baby quietens, you can leave your just purchased food here’ would have sufficed. A little compassion goes a long way.”

Predictably, this kicked off quite the debate on social media, with lots of people piling in to criticise the cafe for its approach to the new mum.

Then the cafe owner reportedly told the Daily Mail:

“Parents have a responsibility to look after their children. We are a café, not a crèche. We’ve had a number of complaints recently that our café is turning into a crèche. We don’t have a policy about crying children but as business owners we are responsible for the overall environment. She was very politely asked if she would step outside for a minute to settle the baby but she chose to leave.”

Eeksville, eh? I don't envy the cafe owner in this position – complaints that the cafe is turning into a creche would make me worry if I were trying to run a business but at the same time, mums and their babies must make up a pretty significant chuck of any cafe's business. Why side with the complainers over the mums who, shock horror, won't always be able to magically put a stop to every cry or whimper their baby makes?

In this case, I am firmly, unapologetically on the side of the mum and not the cafe owner. Can you imagine an OAP being asked to step outside because of complaints about a cafe turning into an old folks' home? That would be discrimination, pure and simple, and no-one would expect any latte-loving pensioner to comply.

But what's your view? We'd love to hear your thoughts. Leave us a comment here or come and join the conversation over on our Facebook page.

45 comments

  • Donna S.

    Babies cry it's a fact of life... some babies cry more than others and if they have colic well it's a diff story... I think it's wrong ask them step outside it's bloody freezing for starters :disappointed_relieved:

  • Stephanie C.

    Ive had a similar experience in a department store cafe. My lg was starvimg and crying and soup was too hot. The manager of cafe came over and asked if he could give me a takeaway cup and made it clear by his tone he expected me to leave. Left in tears and havent been back since. We cant help that children cry its a fact of life and sometimes a little kidness to the parent trying to deal with it goes along way. Xx

  • Hayley D.

    My baby has health complications which led to a lot of crying, unable to settle in any way. The number of times we’ve heard “can’t she shut that baby up” is disturbing. One woman even told me children with special needs should be kept at home! Sad world we live in :cry: xx

    • Laura B.

      I literally would have head butted her.... Xx

    • Laura E.

      Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that :pensive: x

    • Kirsty G.

      I would feel low at the time too :disappointed: Parenting is hard enough as it is! What planet are these people on! Do they not realise how hurtful it can sound?! Morons! X

  • Francesca B.

    Flipping heck! Babies cry! They haven't acquired the ability to go "oh excuse me mother dearest, sorry to bother you but I've got a bit of a poorly tum tum/wet nappy/I'm ever so slightly peckish so could you help me out with that matter, I'd be ever so grateful, ta muchly." Live and let live!!

  • Zoë B.

    Oh the cafe owner must have never cried as a baby obviously :angry::rage: ridiculous

  • Rachelle L.

    It's winter, its cold and wet and not overly nice to be told to go outside (obv no idea if its outside outside)and sorry i wouldn't be going back in either. its a baby there is no magic switch! and its embarassing enough when you are trying to settle and you feel like everyone is watching you!

  • Andrea P.

    Good job it wasn't us ay !! :joy::joy::joy: they wouldn't know what'd hit um!! Quite literally :joy:

  • Chelsey T.

    I remember going out for a family meal when my eldest daughter (now 4) was just a couple of weeks old. It was to a family restaurant and it really was rammed with parents ! I was only 20 at the time but everybody kept tutting and rolling their eyes because she cried and it took me longer than a few seconds to settle her. I wasn’t doing anything and nor was she, they was the ones in the wrong so in front of my family at the top of my voice, stood up rocking her I said “If people want a quiet family meal then they should stay at home where it’s quiet or go to a more low key restaurant, not somewhere they know will be full of children. What a shame that people can get so annoyed by an upset child”

    Somebody actually came over and praised me on saying what I did and also told me I was going a great job. There’s no need for it, as if hearing your child crying isn’t bad enough on its own you get people stuck up their own arse eye rolling. Babies cry for many reasons and the world would be a much better place if people came over to praise you rather than to upset you !

    • Clair F.

      Well done to you. I don't think I'd have been able to do that - I think I'd just have cried. What a bloody shame that you were in the situation where you had to do that though

    • Chelsey T.

      Clair Fraser I was 19 when pregnant and looked even younger so I received a lot of judgment before she was there and even by a midwife in hospital thinking I was younger than I was. That was finally my breaking point and the point where I thought actually no, I’m a good mum doing the best I can do for my new baby I won’t let people make me feel like this. I live now by the saying that the only people able to judge me as a parent are my children. People are cruel and especially to new mothers, they need help and support not discouragement and judgment it’s awful !

  • Claire T.

    Guess the manager never cried as a baby then!

  • Jade

    Anywhere that offers facilities for babies or children should expect crying and loud noises

  • Scott I.

    Good job it wasn't me.... I would not of complied and gone outside. This may of been the first time she had ventured outside of the family home.. first child or not. When ur baby cures it makes you ache inside she would not of been enjoying the baby crying either. Maybe offering to cuddle baby while mum gets some food in her would of been a better advert for the business. Only a fool bites the hand that feeds them.

    • Emma-louise D.

      Haha I'd have let my nearly 3yr old loose :joy::joy::joy:

  • Lauren H.

    :joy: love all the jobs worth people that have never had children!! Or those that have completely forgotten what there children were like!!! Such a shame as a mum that situation already makes u flustered and on pins people should be more understanding!

    • Holly H.

      People who don’t have kids, are ALWAYS the best parents

  • Leà D.

    I have two kids one on the way.. if they cried in public as babies I don't think I got many stares or comments. Its a fact of life.. i think it depends on whether it's moaning or incessant sobbing or hysterical screaming, 10mins of trying to settle and I'd leave though it's basic manners. When I go for coffee without my kids on the very rare occasion that it is I don't want to listen to other people kids screaming either

  • Sarah E.

    I always go outside if my child is crying but it is my choice not to disturb others but for them to tell her is a but much and probably very bad for business

  • Kirstie D.

    - after Oliver's performance today :joy:

    • Kristel I.

      Haha if they'd have dared!!!

  • Becki I.

    Someone did the same to me when my youngest was a baby. My friend stuck up for me as I would probably have cried. Don’t make somewhere a child friendly place and then ask parents to go elsewhere. After a few years experience now I’d have a few words to say back to those people. Funnily enough the place is now less welcoming to children. :joy:

  • Toby-Jade S.

    children cry why should they be taken outside ! Instead of telling her to go outside why not ask if there was anything she would like some help with!! She may not have asked because she feels utterly embarrassed that in your eyes it’s a problem ! It may be her first time taking baby out and she feels completely out of her depth ! We’ve all been there !! Luckily I had mostly nice experiences from our local cafe when mine where younger including being given access to a more private room to feed (my choice to be private in that particular cafe it was very close and I had forgot to wear a subtle top to lift :rolling_eyes:) I’ve had people offer to buy me a coffee after finally settling a crying baby , even a elderly lady who stood and rocked my pram just so I could have a drink while hot :joy: there are lovely people out there too just the bad tends to make the headline :neutral_face: xxx

  • Holley J.

    I think she's going to be very sorry about this! She obviously doesn't have kids and has just boycotted her business

  • Natalie W.

    I would have told her to jog on, then made sure her business goes down the toilet when telling the press. How rude.

  • Stacey P.

    Jus read the article - is a 'parents' money not good enough for the cafe owner!!

  • Mhairi S.

    God sake!! Tbh that’s not even as bad as my situation coz they were in a cafe I was in a bloody class FOR CHILDREN :joy::joy::joy:

  • Peach S.

    reminds me when Maisie screamed at the top of her voice in that cafe. So awkward when the owner stood behind us! X

  • Emma G.

    When my youngest was about 6 months (my eldest was just over 2) I was in a supermarket trying to get a bit of shopping done but the girls weren’t having any of it. Both kicking off screaming. I was well aware of all the stares. But to my surprise I had one of the guys that worked there come over and help settle the girls. He played with them and made them laugh and even went out the back and got my eldest a gingerbread man to eat to help settle her. I’ll never forget that day, he was a true superhero to a mum about to lose her s*#t! Not only that I had several other people come and try help out (giving me tissues to wipe the girls faces and try make them smile). A little help goes a long way, and I will never forget that lovely guy. I got in touch with the store manager to sing his praises and said what a wonderful person they had employed.

    • Emma K.

      a little bit of kindness makes all the difference!

  • Margarida D.

    We had a situation in a cafe with my twin nephews who were determined to not let my sister have a break... when it all seemed calm , one of them would kick off... we met for coffee and the boys were playing up...while i was on the way to their table i couldnt help but overhearing an old lady asking the manager to tell them to leave as they were there to have a cup of tea and the noise was not "making it a good experience"... The manager looked at my sister who was close to tears and told the lady she was welcome to leave if it was too much for her...then he approached my sister and picked up one of the twins and sat with her...he was giving her the break she needed and she could have kissed him...later on when i told her the story she was in tears...nice to know its not all about the money. Parents also need to get out of those 4 walls and go and see others or they'll just go nuts! To this day i am very aware that babies that cry and their mummies probably just need a break! Or a feed/coffee :blush:

  • Nicola M.

    This is terrible, I'm sure this poor mum felt uncomfortable as it was with baby crying, and instead of any compassion from what is supposed to be the owner/manager!? She gets treated as a nuisance! Terrible! Babies cry get over It, I hope this poor lady does not suffer with anxiety or depression as this will have a huge impact on her! Hopefully this cafe will lose a lot of business now!

  • Davie S.

    When either of my children cried and I couldn't settle them I would always take them outside if we were in a cafe / bar as respected the people around me.

  • Michele P.

    Yet another case of 'everyone has an opinion of an event they didn't witness'. THIS is the very reason I hate social media.

    • Joanna D.

      Surely it's very thing we do on here, that's why we can comment!

  • izzywoo

    mums need a break!  jees! how uncompassionate some people can be...

  • Joanna D.

    I think it helps if you appear to be doing something about it! There are times that some parents seem to just ignore their kid so that's not ok! This lady was trying to settle her baby so should have been given time to settle the child.

    I have left places, walked out when he has acted up because it isn't fair on others but I also expect a bit of time to settle my child. We deal with tutters by saying, I'm really sorry for the noise, he's teething, he's woke up grumpy, he's x y z reason for crying. Most of the time, the tutters have to react in that oh so British way of, oh its OK, we've been there or oh they're only babies. Tends to work

  • Lynsey S.

    My Mam had a similar experience with my oldest daughter when she was 4 months old. I was seriously ill in hospital and my Mam and husband had come to visit me in ITU. Obviously they were not permitted to bring my daughter onto the ward to see me (which was stressful and heartbreaking) so while one visited with me the other stayed with our daughter. She was very unsettled without me and had colic to start with. My Mam was in the hospital cafe having a drink and attempting to feed my daughter (who was crying) when a member of staff said that there had been complaints and she was asked to leave. My daughter was crying (as all babies do) and I think my Mam was close to it too. You would think there would be a little more care and compassion in a hospital!

  • Wendy R.

    That is so wrong maybe should of asked if all was ok and made her a cuppa . And helped out shame on them x

  • Grace A.

    I'd tell the cafe owner where to stick the deeds of her house and not give her my business again.

  • Jenna S.

    This makes me so cross, I thought it was back in the olden days that children were seen and not heard! For goodness sake!

  • Emma J.

    3 months old and not already conforming to societal standards? The shame :rolling_eyes: Seriously sometimes babies just cry because they have no other means to communicate their requirement. Undoubtedly that mother will have other 'mum' friends who will be told about this, as will theirs. It's a chain reaction - wouldn't expect a great deal of business from a portion of the community who are key to day-to-day custom in a cafe anymore

  • Natz V.

    god help them if this had happened to me :joy::joy::joy:

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